If Winter Ends
by CarcinogenRush
Summary: Akito has asked Tohru to be the new god. When she accepts, it appears she couldn't handle it the way she thought she could-and she's still trying to break the curse. When she begins to burn out, there's only one man who can keep her fire alive. TohXHat!
1. Appeal

It had been oddly quiet around the Sohma estate. Too quiet, Hatori decided, taking his glasses off and lounging back in his chair. The springs squeaked, protesting the movement; they were not used to being bent back. He pinched the bridge of his nose, clenching his eyes shut. Something was happening, of that, he was certain. He had not been the only one noticing the tangible change in the atmosphere-even Ayame and Shigure, king woolgatherers, had noticed. And when they noticed something out of place, red flags shot up.

He was having a hard time figuring out just what it was, though. Business had been the same as usual, nothing out of the ordinary had happened around the estate, and as far as he could tell, everything was still moving forward at its normal pace. That was what ate at him the most; he could always figure something out. But this time…no, this time, it was different, and Hatori did not like it one bit. It set him on edge.

With a grimace, he rose, gingerly stretching his cramped muscles. After fumbling through his desk drawers for a moment, he pulled out a lighter and exited the stuffy office. It really was a filthy habit, smoking, but there was just something about it that he could not quite identify. He knew the workings of an addiction, of course, and he knew why he could not bring himself to quit, but he had forgotten what made him start in the first place. Even during his senior year, despite the bemoaning voiced by Ayame and Shigure, he would sneak out during his study halls to have one. And before he knew it, he had gotten hooked.

Taking one last drag, he flicked the butt into the tray by his door and stuck his hands in his pockets. There was no real need for him to be at the clinic any longer; he had seen the last of his patients an hour ago, and even the nurses had left by now. But this was his usual routine. He would stay, do paperwork until he went cross-eyed, and then pack up for home. However, he tried to put that off for as long as he could. With the exception of Momiji's visits, the house was quiet and lonesome. He may have perfected the art of coming off as an indurate man, but beneath the façade was a less detached person. Casting a glance at the clock, he sighed. Perhaps it would be better to just call it a day.

* * *

><p>She stared at the books sprawled in front of her, unsure of which one to attack first. She was slipping behind a bit in history, but her mathematics needed the most help of any subject she took. It was not that she was stupid-ditzy, yes, but not stupid. It was just numbers in general. She was better with concrete logic, not with things like imaginary numbers and irrational squares. And how could a number even exist, if it were imaginary? Wasn't that a contradiction? She stared for another moment, and then grudgingly tugged the large tome of dreaded numbers towards her. It was only seven questions. Surely she could handle that.<p>

When she finally finished, it was well past eleven. She stared at the clock in surprise. Eleven? Had it really taken her two hours to do seven problems? Hanging her head, she closed the math book and opened her history textbook. Maybe she should stay after and work with her teacher on math. As much as she hated math, although she would never admit it to anyone, she really did want to do well on her exams. This was her final year, and her last chance to prove that she was more intelligent than people gave her credit for. Although she did not know what she wanted to do when she graduated, she did not want to graduate option-less, and doing poorly in her studies would do just that for her.

She finished her history with ease, and slid the books back into her bag with relief. It was only midnight; that still gave her time to make quick lunches for herself, Yuki, and Kyo and still get to bed by twelve thirty. Nimbly, she crept down the stairs, careful not to make too much noise. She knew that Shigure would still be awake, but she was not so sure about Yuki and Kyo, and both boys needed their rest, as Yuki was the class president, and Kyo was busy with his training. He wanted to go on to be a dojo master after graduation, and he was working very hard towards attaining his goal. After quickly making up three boxes, she headed back upstairs, suppressing a yawn and crawling into bed. Tomorrow, she had work, and she wanted to be refreshed for it.

* * *

><p>"Hatori-sama," a woman said, bowing as she entered, "Akito-sempai has called for you."<p>

"Akito?" Hatori asked, rising. "Is she ill?"

"No," she replied, shaking her head. "She says she must speak to you, and for you to close the clinic for an hour."

"An hour?" he repeated, shrugging into his jacket. Whatever she had planned could not be good. "Reika-san, Oki-san, I have to go out for an hour. Tell whatever patients arrive within that time that I will be back later and am willing to see them later today if it suits them."

"Yes, Hatori-sama," the two nurses replied, nodding at him.

"Thank you," he said, sliding the door shut and following Akito's maid out.

It was a silent walk to the god's quarters. The maid's were not one for conversation, particularly around the intimidating doctor. Briefly, he wondered if he had done something wrong-missed an appointment, slipped up with the secret-but shook the thought away; if anything, he was the most careful with the secret, and he had never missed an appointment before. Soon, they had arrived, and Hatori was free of the older woman. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He never knew what to expect in these meetings with Akito, but time and experience had taught him to go in expecting the worst. After another moment's hesitation, he stepped into the dim room. He was not alone with Akito, however. There were two other figures prostrate before the head of the Zodiac. He padded over and joined the two.

"Hatori, you're here," Akito crooned. "Now we may begin. Sit up." The three instantly erected themselves into a straight kneeling. Glancing sideways, he took in the other two, instantly recognizing them as Ayame and Shigure. Curiosity piqued further, he turned his attention back to Akito. "I am going to be blunt with you. I am dying." She paused for a moment, and the continued, "Quickly. I do not expect to last more than one or two days." Her voice betrayed no fear or melancholy, but Hatori momentarily wondered whether she was just hiding it well. "There is no one yet to take the place of god, and will be no one in time. But I have found the solution to the problem, and I will not take no for an answer. I have found my replacement. Shigure, Ayame, and Hatori," she began.

"Yes, Akito?" they asked in unison.

"I need your help."

* * *

><p>"Yuki-kun, where is Shigure-san?" Tohru asked, handing him his lunch. "When I woke up this morning, he was walking down the path."<p>

"I do not know, Honda-san," he replied, taking the box. "He never really lets us in on where he goes. He probably went for a walk to garner some inspiration or something," he said, shrugging. "Are you ready to go?"

"Oh, yes, has Kyo-kun already left?" she inquired. Yuki nodded, sliding the door open for her.

"He had to be at school early to finish a project," Yuki explained.

"Oh, then let me go grab his lunch so that he doesn't go hungry!" she exclaimed, ducking beneath Yuki's arm and back into the house. "Alright, now I'm ready!" she said, re-emerging with a smile.

As they walked to school, they chattered amiably, Yuki about his duties as president, and Tohru about the new recipes she had gotten to try for dinner soon. Her eyes lit up when Yuki mentioned that the leeks would be ready to use for her meals in time.

"That's right!" she cried, "I forgot! Oh, that will be so much better than store-bought!" Smiling, she swung her arms back and forth as she walked. Now she wanted to try that recipe even sooner…although, she thought, she was going to have to find a substitute for the leeks, since Kyo hated them. But she would cross that bridge when she came to it. For now, all she cared about was getting rid of the math homework sitting in her bag.

* * *

><p>"I don't know," Shigure said, lounging at Hatori's desk. "I don't really feel comfortable helping Akito with this particular task."<p>

"We have to, Shii-san," Hatori reminded him, pushing Shigure's feet off of his desk. "We are bound to her commands." His eyes darkened as he thought on the task.

"Do you really think it's fair, Ha'ri-san?" Ayame asked, tugging on the ends of his long hair.

"Of course it isn't fair," Hatori snapped, "but what choice do we have, except to do it? Even if we wanted to disobey her, we couldn't." Such was the nature of their curse. The lesser things, sure, they could disobey, for better or for worse-Yuki was a prime example. But when ordered with a task like this, it would have been easier to sever a limb than disobey Akito. While the latter was not particularly savory, they really had no other alternative.

"I just feel..uncomfortable about this," Shigure said, frowning. "Although this does explain the tension and inexplicable change in the air.."

"Our god is dying..almost dead," Ayame mused. "No wonder we're out of sorts."

"We'll need to discuss this later," Hatori said. "I have patients waiting for me, and I really need to get to them. In the meantime, you two, not a word about this to anyone."

"Ne, ne," Shigure said. "Promise."

* * *

><p>"Would Honda Tohru please report to the office? Honda Tohru to the office, please."<p>

She looked up mid-sentence. Yuki glanced at her curiously. Why would they need her in the office?

"Well..I'll be right back, I guess!" she said, exiting the room and walking towards the office. What had she done? She knew her grades were a little down this week, but was she doing so poorly that they needed to talk to her about it? Blushing, she pressed her hands to her cheeks. How embarrassing..

"Ah, Honda-san," the receptionist said. "There is a..Sohma Masae to see you."

"Sohma Masae?" she repeated, confused. She had never met any Sohma named Masae before..

"Are you Honda-san?" a middle-aged woman asked, bowing.

"Yes," Tohru responded, bowing back.

"I know we have never met. My name is Masae; I am one of the maids at the honke."

"Pleasure to meet you, Masae-san," Tohru said. "What can I do for you?"

"Akito-sempai has requested a meeting with you today. You are to skip work tonight. We have taken care of everything, so they know not to expect you."

"Akito-sempai?" she said. "I…I will be there after school, then." Her heart skipped a beat. A meeting with Akito…what could Akito possibly need with her? Has she slipped up? Was Hatori going to erase her memories? She felt a tremble go through her body. She couldn't lose the Sohma family now. She simply couldn't. They were the only family she had. If they were taken away from her, she was not sure what she would do. "After school.."

* * *

><p>With trembling limbs, she walked up to the main gate. She did not think she had ever been this nervous before in her whole life. Akito scared her. She felt silly to say it, but Akito held so much power, and could change anything she wanted at any time. She felt like she was always walking on eggshells around the head of the Sohmas.<p>

"Honda-san," Masae said, greeting her at the entrance. "Follow me and I will take you to Akito. He is waiting for you." _She must not know Akito's secret,_ Tohru mused, following quietly. Masae lead her through an intricate garden and into the largest house of the estate. "He is inside waiting for you," Masae stated, coming to a halt in front of an elaborately painted door. "I would not keep him waiting much longer. Good day, Honda-san," she bowed.

"A-Akito-sempai?" Tohru stammered, kneeling before her. Akito was silent. Three people sat at the back of the room, their poses mimicking Tohru's. Finally, Akito spoke, her voice quiet.

"Honda Tohru. Come closer to me." Shakily, Tohru obeyed, now three feet before Akito. "Do you know why I have called you here?" Akito asked, her voice still soft.

"No," she answered, trying to keep her voice from shaking.

"I have a request, ne, a..a command, if you will. I am almost dead, Honda Tohru. And I want only one thing from you," Akito said, coming to rest in front of her. "Look up at me." As Tohru did so, she realized that when Akito spoke, it was no longer that cold, cruel voice, but a softer, almost melancholic tone.

"Yes, Akito-sempai?" Tohru asked, this time in a stronger voice. She could not keep her eyes from filling, however.

"What's this? You are crying for me, even though I have done nothing but show you hatred?" Akito's voice contained carefully masked surprise. "Why should you?"

"It..it's just…Akito-sempai is so young still..it doesn't seem fair for her to die yet!" Tohru shook her head and a few tears trailed down her cheeks. "I want to help you, Akito-sempai."

"Honda Tohru…Tohru-chan," Akito said, taking hold of Tohru's hands. The sound of the sweet honorific tasted foreign on her tongue. "Please help me."

"Of course, Akito-sempai," Tohru said passionately, holding onto the god's hands tightly. "Of course."

"Tohru-chan..I want you to become the new god."

At the back of the room, the three elder Juunishi sat, impassive.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Well, what did you all think? I hope you like this one. I worked hard on it, and I'm trying to improve my writing skills. If I am using the honorifics incorrectly, could someone please tell me? Like I said, I am trying something new, and I would absolutely love some feedback. Thank you so much!**


	2. Changing of Winds

She was hesitating. And it was not a surprise, really. If she had accepted immediately, he would have been completely derailed. Quickly, he peeked up beneath his curtain of hair toward the god and the young woman. Tohru sat, motionless, clinging to Akito's hands tightly. From where he sat, he could not tell if Akito's eyes were shining with tears or desperation. He looked back down at his hands folded in his lap. Next to him, Ayame sat, twiddling his thumbs. He was anxious, Hatori realized. That was the tell-tale sign of Ayame's anxiety.

He could not deny that he was anxious as well. Tohru was still young, just eighteen. Add that to the fact that she barely knew the extended Sohma family, and that she was still in school…it was too much. She was already too busy for her own good. She didn't need added stress. Hatori clenched his hands; he needed a cigarette. By this point, he'd have already had two. That was how he dealt with stress. The more stress, the more cigarettes.

How long had they been there? Time was seeming to go by slowly. Carefully, he twisted his wrist to look at his watch. Only an hour? It had seemed like four. Shigure let out a long breath, and Hatori could tell that we was trying to calm himself down. They were all worried about how she would reply; he wasn't sure if he wanted her to accept Akito's offer or deny it. Why should Tohru get stuck being the god of a family she barely knew?

* * *

><p>Become the god? That was a lot to ask. And why did she want Tohru, of all people? But to become a true part of the family…that in itself was enough to tempt her. Akito, although cruel at first, had eventually warmed up, and throughout the time Tohru had been with the Sohmas, Akito had always let her keep her memories. Taking a tighter hold of Akito's hands, she said,<p>

"Tell me what I have to do, Akito-sempai. I…I will be the god." Her voice shook as she spoke, and she couldn't take back her words. Whether she like it or not, she was going to become the head of the Sohma family…of the Juunishi.

"You'll do it?" Akito said, shock and gratitude lacing her voice. "I..please stand, then. Masae, Katana!" Akito called. Instantly, the two maids appeared in the doorway. "Take Tohru to my quarters. I must speak to these three alone." Dismissing them, she turned to the three men in the back. As Tohru was herded out, she glanced back over her shoulder, catching eyes with Hatori. He offered a small smile before the door slid shut.

* * *

><p>Silently, Tohru walked down the hallway, following the austere maids. There was no turning back. From this day forward, she was going to be the head of the Sohma family. She didn't even know the first thing about running a family. And how on earth did she think she would be able to command the zodiac around? Maybe there was time to change her mind…except that Akito was dying. How much time did that leave her with? Not much. She suppressed a sigh and rounded the corner.<p>

"We are here, Honda-san," Masae said, bowing. "Or..Honda-sempai." Tohru started .

"No, no, please, just Honda-san.," she corrected them. She couldn't let them call her that! Especially with Akito still as the head! Vaguely, she wondered if everyone would call her that from now on. That would have to change, if it were the case. She simply would not allow it, she decided. That would be her first act as the god.

"We will leave you to yourself, Honda-sempai," Katana said, bowing with Masae before backing out of the room. The door closed and Tohru stood, alone. These were Akito's quarters? They were so beautiful! The walls were draped with black and crimson, with Kanji symbols embroidered into tapestry. In the center was a large, circular bed, hidden behind a canopy. The whole left side of the room was a window, tastefully framed with mahogany. She shook her head; she had never seen anything so extravagant in her entire life, although the color scheme was a little too dark for her personal preference. And then it hit her-this was going to be her room. This was where she was to reside. The realization crashed over her, and she dropped to her knees.

"Oh, Akito," she whispered.

* * *

><p>Akito stood before Hatori, Ayame, and Shigure. Feverishly, she paced. There was so much for Tohru to learn, and such little time. That was where the three men came into play.<p>

"You are to guide Tohru as much as you can. Teach her whatever you know, and do not let others give her a hard time. You are to complete this task to the best of your ability."

"Yes, Akito-sempai," they murmured in unison.

"Should she appear to be sinking, you are to pull her back up. Should she be taken advantage of, you are to take care of her. Should she be too mild with the Sohmas, you are to instruct her otherwise."

"Yes, Akito-sempai," they chanted again.

"I am doing the right thing, aren't I?" Akito asked more softly. "Shigure, Ayame?"

"Of course, Akito-sempai," they both agreed. "Tohru will do the job well."

"Hatori?" Akito inquired. "You always tell me the truth. Do you think I am right?" Hatori paused. Did he? Or did he think that Akito had crossed a line? As he reflected back on Tohru's smiling, eager-to-please face, he said quietly,

"She will be helpful."

However, the truth was that he was nervous for the girl. She was no older than Akito, and yet she was so much softer, more innocent, more easy to break. He wasn't sure why he felt as protective as he did. All he knew was that Tohru was going to need more help than they were giving her credit for, and he didn't want her to burn out. That was the last thing she needed, more disappointment in her life. Akito seemed pleased with his answer, though, and he left it at that.

"You are free to go. I want you to meet me back here at nine o'clock tonight." With that, Akito swept out of the room. Stiffly, Hatori, Ayame, and Shigure stood. Hatori pulled out a cigarette and a lighter and walked outside, lighting it as he went. With the first drag, he instantly felt calmed. The smoke swirled up and around his head, and he watched it, transfixed.

"You really need to quit the habit, Ha'ri," Ayame whined. "It stinks. And it's going to age you!" As an afterthought, he added, "Although in this particular case, I understand your action. You're worried about Tohru-san."

"And you're not?" he shot back in clipped tones. "Do any of us really know what we've signed up for? Does Honda-san know what she's signed up for?" He took another deep drag on his cigarette.

"Well..one way or another, this will all smooth out," Shigure said. "We need to trust Tohru-chan. Akito does, and that should be enough for us."

* * *

><p>Akito walked in slowly, holding her head high. This was going to be her final act as god. She could feel it in every part of her body. Her limbs ached and her heart pound uncomfortably in her chest. The end was very near. But there, looking down at Tohru, she knew in her heart that the family would be fine. She just hoped that Tohru ruled with the same confidence.<p>

"Tohru-chan," Akito said in a soft voice. "Rise." She watched as Tohru unsteadily rose to her feet. Her brown eyes stared into Akito's with determination. "You're sure this is what you want?"

"Yes, Akito-sempai," Tohru answered. "I want to help your family..help the Juunishi. And I want to help you." After a moment, Akito took hold of Tohru's hand.

"Then the ritual begins. I have had the maids draw a bath for you. Before anything, you must cleanse and purify yourself. As the god, you will use a special soap made only for you, and this is what you are to cleanse with from here, forward. Masae has laid out a kimono for you. I will be here when you return."

"Yes, Akito-sempai," Tohru murmured, turning and following Masae into the connecting room where a bath waited, steaming. A white kimono swirled with purple and pink sakura blossoms lay draped over a chair beside the bath. Next to that rest a tan brick with a mauve ribbon around it. Tohru picked it up tentatively and sniffed; it smelled like vanilla and lavender. Instantly, she felt calmer. Lavender always did that to her. Slipping behind the changing screen, she pulled off her clothing and sank into the warm water. Her eyes closed of their own volition. With the combination of the warmth and her exhaustion, it was almost too much.

She reached over and snagged the soap, cleansing herself completely. Unable to put off the rest of the ritual, so stepped out and dried off, dressing herself in the beautiful kimono. Finally, Masae and Katana came in, helping her with her hair and make-up. At last, she was ready. Tohru took a final look in the mirror and when back into the bedroom.

"I'm ready, Akito-sempai," she whispered. Akito moved forward.

"If you're truly ready, Tohru-chan, then follow me. We must visit the Sohma shrine." She turned on her heel and left the room with Tohru following close behind. Her heart beat faster with each step. Each step brought her closer to being the head of the family. "We're here. Just follow my motions." Akito dipped her hand in a small tray of oil and made the mark for "god," on her heart. "You're going to mark, 'successor.'" Obediently, Tohru traced the symbol on her heart and step inside the shrine next to Akito.

Bowing, Akito knelt on the ground before the shrine. Quietly, she murmured a string of odd words, and then motioned for Tohru to repeat. With some difficulty, she managed to mimic the words as best she could. Akito took hold of Tohru's hand in her pale, cold hand and began to pray. Dipping her head, Tohru prayed alongside her, her heart going twice it's normal speed.

After forty minutes of this, they both rose. Akito opened her eyes slowly and stared into Tohru's with a certain fierceness.

"This is it, Tohru. Once we do this, we can't turn back. You understand, don't you? This means that, until you've passed away, you're the head."

"I understand, Akito-sempai," Tohru said confidently, nodding. Akito nodded and placed her right hand over Akito's heart. Tohru mirrored her action, hand trembling. And then she fell to the ground, both hands clutching her heart. After the pain subsided, she looked up at Akito through teary eyes. "What about the curse, Akito-sempai?"

"Tohru-sempai," Akito said, "If I could have broken the curse, I would have by now."

And with a simple changing of the winds, Tohru was the god.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Welll? How did we like it? Thanks to all three of you who reviewed, and to the others who favorited/alerted the story! That feels great…but if you could review as well, that would be so splendibulous.**

**Ever checked out Mitchell Davis on YouTube? Look up, "You Look" by LiveLavaLive. You'll love it. I promise. **


	3. Acclimation

She stepped out of the shrine, limbs wobbly and heart pounding. She was the god. She was the head of a family that, three years ago, she had not even known existed. And now she was their ruler. It was almost too much to handle.

Slowly, Tohru lifted the hem of the delicate kimono wrapped around her body and took another step forward. When she raised her head, she saw Hatori, Ayame, and Shigure standing in front of her. They bowed their heads as she made eye contact with them.

"No, please don't bow for me," she begged. "I'm still just Tohru, really."

"I told you she would say that," Hatori murmured, cracking a small smile. "Tohru," he added, "Where is Akito?"

"She's still in the shrine," Tohru responded, "Would you like for me to go get her?"

Hatori regarded her shrewdly for a moment. She was really going to struggle with the fact that everyone else would be doing things for her from now on. In fact, he was not positive that she would let them try to do things for her. Akito had been content to command and lay leisurely as everyone scurried about her, but Tohru…Tohru never sat still. Forget letting anyone help her, when she could help out.

"That's alright, Tohru, I should only be a moment. Wait here with Ayame and Shigure," he said, then amended, "Unless you..don't want to." It was going to be difficult to shake the habit of talking to her as a young adult. She smiled at him and nodded.

"Ohkay!"

Shaking his head, he entered the shrine.

"Hatori," Akito whispered, laying on the ground. She clutched her hand to her ribs, her breathing labored.

"Is this it, then?" Hatori asked, coming to rest beside her. He knelt down and took hold of her other hand, holding it tightly. Akito nodded.

"This..is it," she said, speaking with difficulty. "I've only a few minutes…I can feel it…but Hatori…I need you to promise me something. Promise…promise me that…you will protect Tohru at all costs…and that you will help her no matter what…Shigure, and Ayame, too, all of you."

"Akito, I swear to you, just as I have before, that nothing will harm the girl. We will be with her every step of the way," Hatori said firmly. "Now shush, you're only going to bring it on faster."

"It's already here," she murmured, closing her eyes. "You promised." With a last breath, her chest stopped moving and her hand went limp. He bowed his head over her, murmuring a prayer before crossing her hands together and rising.

When he stepped outside, rain was driving down in a torrential manner. Tohru rose her head to look at him, her eyes bright.

"She's…isn't she?" Tohru asked. As he stepped closer, he realized her eyes with bright with tears. Silently, he nodded, and a little cry broke from her. She brought her hands to her eyes, wiping them. "May I see her?" she asked.

"You are the head, now," Ayame reminded her gently. "You can do what you want, little flower."

"Oh, right," she said, shaking her head. "It's going to take some time to get used to," she admitted. "I..uhm…excuse me, then." She brushed past the men quickly, head bowed. "Oh, Akito," she whispered as she stepped into the light.

Akito looked so frail, lying there alone, unmoving. Tears stung Tohru's eyes as she took position on the ground beside the young girl. She hadn't known her well, and wouldn't pretend otherwise, but she already missed Akito. Beneath the veneer of the cold, cruel woman, was a young adult trying to make herself respected. Even if she hadn't gone about it in the right manner, Tohru knew what Akito truly had wanted. She had realized it when Akito first placed her request, when Tohru had cried for her. That was what Akito had wanted-someone who cared enough to mourn for her.

Did she know how many people would mourn for the ex-god? Would anyone? Akito had not been in many Sohma's good graces, that was evident by the way everyone avoided her. She couldn't help but believe that people would mourn, though. It just was not possible to be with someone for so many years and feel no sort of regard towards that person. Even if they were not best friends, Akito had led the family through many tough spots within the two decades of her life. The same could not be said for others.

She took hold of Akito's hands. They were slightly warm still. If she closed her eyes, it was almost impossible to tell that Akito was not alive. She knew otherwise, though, and she could not keep the tears from falling thick and fast. Eventually, she had to let go. She knew that Akito's body needed to be taken care of, and they would not be able to do that with Tohru clinging to the body. Stiffly, she rose from the spot she had been resting, saying a final goodbye to Akito. She backed out of the room, bowing her head.

"Where can I find someone to help with the body?" she asked as she returned to the three men who were resting on the stairs. She was going to need to get learn her way around the honke. People would not take her seriously as their god if she was always getting lost.

"I'll show you," Hatori said. "I have no patients waiting for me. Ayame, Shigure, I'll see you guys later. You should not keep your work waiting anymore." They nodded, then hugged Tohru.

"Good luck, little flower," Shigure said.

* * *

><p>He watched her through his peripheral vision. She was pale and looked shaky. Maybe she needed to get some rest. He could handle finding someone to take care of Akito on his own. And they would pass right by her quarters…he could suggest she rest. Right as he was about to suggest it, however, she stuck her chin out in a determined sort of way and pushed her shoulders back. He couldn't help it; he smiled as he watched her try to hold herself in a god-like manner. That is, until she stumbled forward.<p>

"Careful!" he cried, grabbing hold of her arm before she could spill onto the ground. She looked up at him, her face turning red.

"Oh," she sighed, "It's going to take some time…I'm so clumsy…" She cast her glance down at her feet, head bowing in defeat. Hatori watched her carefully, his smile turning into a frown. There could be none of this.

"Hey," he said, tilting her chin up to look at him, "Tohru. You have been in this position for a mere two hours. Do not beat yourself up over something so silly as tripping over a stone. Akito tumbled down the stairs every once in a while. No one is immune." This got a small smile out of her and she straightened back up a bit.

"Thank you, Hatori-san," she said quietly. "I just…I just want to do this right, and I am so afraid I am going to fail the Sohmas, and fail Akito's legacy."

"We will not let you…_I_ will not let you," he said firmly. "I promise you." He paused for a moment, watching her closely. "Do you trust me?"

She lifted her eyes to his, a confident look to them.

"I have always trusted you." Gaining back her composure, she straightened her shoulders and looked forward, a small, mysterious smile on her lips.

* * *

><p>As time wore on, she found her place. To her unending happiness, the Sohma's followed her as much as they followed Akito before her. She suspected it had something to do with her constant companion, Hatori. He commanded an air of respect without even speaking. If she was being honest with herself, Hatori was the one who should have been chosen to be the god. He was respected, even if he wasn't loved, and he knew everything about everyone. Countless Sohma's went to him.<p>

No one went to her, though, and she was beginning to take offense to it. She knew she wasn't truly a Sohma, but she was their god, and she wished they would treat her as such. Was this how Akito had felt? Was this why she turned to cruelty when everything else failed? Even though that wasn't ever a route she would take, she was able to see why Akito had done what she had.

Despite this, she couldn't help herself one foggy morning. She sat in the waiting room, her legs crossed daintily, hands folded in her lap. The moment the doctor stepped out of his office, she rose.

"May I speak with you, Hatori-san?" she asked. Her voice quavered slightly, but she held her head high. He looked at her for a moment, narrowing his eyes as he scrutinized her. Slight flush. Sparkling eyes. Determined mouth.

"I was just about to go to lunch," he said. "Would you like to come with me? My treat." She nodded, smiling.

"Thank you, very much," Tohru replied, turning for the door.

It did not escape Reika and Oki's attention when the dragon placed his hand on the small of the god's back, a small smile tugging at his lips.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I know it kind of sucks (and by "kind of," I mean entirely,) but this chapter was not working for me, and then I got distracted with exams, and then Christmas, and then my grandma, and I kind of forgot about this. So here is a filler of sorts, until I figure this out. Review as always!**


	4. Sukiyakiya

She was quiet the whole way to lunch. Every once in a while, Hatori would notice a knee jiggle, or a quick nail bite, but she never broke her silence except for to cough once. Thinking that was the issue, he asked,

"Are you feeling ill?" She shook her head, a small tendril undoing itself from the ornate bun her hair had been twisted into.

"No, I feel fine. I think that I just swallowed wrong," she answered, turning a faint pink. Hatori bit his lip to keep from smiling; she blushed over the slightest thing.

"And you would tell me if you _were_ feeling ill, correct?" His voice was firm, but not stern. Tohru looked over at him. His eyes held concern as he locked them with Tohru's and she had to look away from the intensity of the stare.

"Yes, Hatori-san," she murmured.

San, san, always san. Why did she always call him "Hatori-san?" She was their god. She was the one who ruled over them, and yet she spoke to people so politely that it was easy to forget that she was, in fact, their god. Not for the first time, he wondered to himself if Akito knew what she was doing when she made the mild girl the Sohma's god. If he was being honest with himself, he was worried for Tohru. Sure, she was still the same girl they knew and loved now, but being in a position like that, it could change a person. How long would it be before she burned out? Would she burn out?

Still mulling over these thoughts, he parked the car. As soon as he opened the door, the scent of sukiyaki hit him. He could tell the same happened for Tohru, because as she closed her door, she inhaled deeply, eyes closed.

"Hatori-san is smiling," Tohru said, smiling as well. "He has such a nice smile."

"I-I just really..let's go inside, hm?" he asked, internally cursing his lack of articulation. He held the door open for Tohru and then followed behind her. _What has gotten into me lately? Smiling, trying to fight a smile..I don't smile._

"Table for two?" the hostess asked, smiling widely. Tohru nodded and the hostess led them to a small table in the back.

"Thank you!" Tohru said in unison with Hatori. She gave them one last smile and made her way up to the front of the restaurant, and Hatori and Tohru were left alone, their area deserted except for them.

"Order whatever you like, Tohru," Hatori said. "Remember, this is my treat. You don't often eat out."

"Thank you, Hatori-san!" she said, popping open her menu and searching it. Her brow knit together as she read, and finally, she said, "Uhm, Hatori-san? I don't..there are no prices in my menu. How am I supposed to know what to ord-why are you laughing?" Tohru's voice held apparent shock as she watched the dragon. He calmed himself and, still grinning, said,

"They think we're on a date. They gave you the menu with no prices." He watched as her face grew bright red, and his grin only grew wider. "You know, I've never seen you turn so red. Is it really so awful, for them to think that we are on a date?" He was teasing. Teasing. Hatori Sohma, resident brooder, was teasing. Perhaps _he_ was the one who was ill.

"No, no, no!" she cried, shaking her head. "It's not awful. I'm sure that Hatori-san is a wonderful date! I just..we…I…," she trailed off, trying to figure out what she was saying. Why was it so embarrassing that they thought she and Hatori were on a date? Hadn't she secretly dreamed of it once or twice, herself? _Oh, now is not the time to think about that, self!_

Hatori watched her as she went through her thought process. Red, to pink, and back to red again. What was it that she was thinking about? And better yet, why was he so curious?

* * *

><p>"I almost forgot the reason I came to you, Hatori-san," Tohru said as she gently dipped her sukiyaki into the bowl of raw egg in from of them. "I was wondering…well…why weren't<em> you<em> made god?" She nibbled on the beef between her chopsticks, staring at him curiously. "Everyone respects you so much, and you know seemingly everything there is to know about this family. Why me?"

Hatori paused, eyes narrowed as he regarded the girl before him. She looked at him earnestly, eyes wide as she waited for an answer. How could he answer this? He knew why Akito had chosen her. But how could he word it so that Tohru would not become overwhelmed by it?

"Please don't be afraid you'll scare me," she said softly, placing a small, cool hand over his large, warm one. "I need…I need to know. I can't just sit back and not do what Akito wanted me to do." He looked down at her hand on his, and she instantly drew it back, worried she had crossed a line.

"You worry too much, Tohru," he informed her, reading her emotions through her face. His hand was still cool where her hand had been. "I couldn't have been the god, even if Akito had wanted me to be. If you suffer the zodiac curse, you cannot be the god. The purpose of being the god, beside running the family and keeping things in order, is to find a way to break the curse. Those of us who are afflicted with the curse would have a much more difficult time finding a way to break it, and, as such, are unable to be god. I don't think there has ever been a record of any zodiac being the god. Although, then again, there has never been a record of an outsider being our god either," he added with a light tone, smiling slightly.

"So my purpose is to find the end of the curse? What if I fail?" she asked, her voice worried. "What if I make things worse? What if I—?"

"—Tohru," Hatori spoke over her. "Please, stop worrying so much. If you do not find the way to break it, you will be no different than the gods before you. This is a centuries-old curse. No one expects you to come in and know how to save us. As for making it worse…I don't much think you can." He looked down at his hands, eyes dark. A comma of hair dropped into his left eye, which he shook away.

"Is it horrible, Hatori-san?" Tohru asked quietly. "The curse?" Her voice was tentative as she spoke.

"There are days," he said, "when I want nothing more than to be free of this curse, to be able to interact the way those without the curse can. I have to be much more careful around people than the others do. I cannot get too close to my female patients, on the off chance that I transform, and going out can be a hassle. On the other hand, I've had this curse since the day I was born. It is what I know. I want it broken, but sometimes, I wonder, would I miss having this spirit in me?"

He picked up his chopsticks and fiddled with the sukiyaki before them, dunking it in the egg, pulling it out, and dunking it again. Tohru watched as he rest his chin in one hand. She had never heard him talk about himself so freely, especially about the curse. She mirrored his position, regarding him.

"May I ask one more question?"

"Mm," Hatori consented.

"Is there any reason in particular that your family goes to you before they come to me? I know that I am not close to your family, but I..I _am_ the god and all, and I..well, I want to be the one they ask for help. Am I being terribly silly?" she asked, feeling it.

"You're not silly, Tohru," Hatori stated firmly. "I think that the family is unaccustomed to having an approachable head. I'll let you in on a little secret: they did it when Akito was god, too. Once they get used to it, they'll go to you. _Please_ don't worry, Tohru." He mimicked her action from earlier, placing his hand on top of hers. "I promise not to lead you astray."

"I believe you," she said. "I believe you."

* * *

><p>A way to break the curse. That was the point of being the god, was the find the curse-breaker. How on earth was she expected to break the curse? She didn't know the inner-workings of it. She didn't know where it originated from, or how it chose who it did. So why was Akito certain that Tohru was the right choice for the head, for finding a way to break the curse? It made no sense to Tohru, none at all.<p>

It didn't help the fact that her mind was swimming with thoughts from earlier. It really wasn't so awful to be on a date with Hatori. Not that she knew what a date with him was like. This hadn't been a date. It had been a lunch between two friends, talking about responsibilities. But oh, how she wished it had been a date. Everyone had a secret, and this was hers. She loved the dragon. If only the dragon loved her back.

* * *

><p>He was going to wear the carpet thin if he didn't stop pacing around. He couldn't help himself, though. The rest of the work, he'd been detached. Going through the motions, but not really caring. She didn't think it would be terrible to go on a date with her. He had opened up to her about the curse, something he never had done, not even to Shigure and Ayame. What was different about Tohru? Why was he at such ease?<p>

Hatori ran his fingers through his hair one last time and got into his bed, turning off the small lamp beside him. He didn't expect to find sleep easily tonight.

**A/N:** **So..this is super delayed, and I'm so sorry! I got swept up with this semester, and it was insane. I hope you all like this, it was kind of just a filler until I can really sit down and churn something out. Review! **


	5. Strolling

"What makes the Sohma curse what it is, Shigure?" Tohru asked, settling herself down at his table. Yuki and Kyo appeared a few moments later, and for a few seconds, it felt like she was back in high school. It was bittersweet, being here. On one hand, she knew that, now, when she sat here, she was a true part of the family. However, she was also acutely aware of the fact that nothing was as it once had been. Now, their lives were in her care.

Shigure frowned as he though. Tohru half-expected him to tell her that he didn't know.

"Well, it's a complex thing. We always thought that it had to do with the member afflicted by the spirit of the cat. For centuries, the cat was locked away, hated, never accepted. The Sohma's believed that when the cat was finally accepted by the family, and loved by them and others, the curse would break. That is why we were all so happy when you came into our lives-and why Akito was unhappy. With the love that you showed Kyo, we felt certain that it was just a matter of time before we were released and Akito would no longer have such command.

"But nothing happened. There was a tangible difference in the overall attitude among the Sohma's, the Zodiac in particular, and for the first time, the cat was involved, and not left behind. Yet here we sit, still under the curse. I feel confident that it has something to do with acceptance, and with change, but I don't know what, and I don't know with who." He sighed and took a large sip of his tea as Kyo said,

"That can't be though, right? I mean, for one thing, Tohru shows love to anything that stands still long enough, so there is no way she hasn't accepted everyone. No one else really knows about the curse, so there is no reason to shun us all away. And besides which, every one of the Zodiac at one point or another has been in love. So what's making it stick?"

"The cat has a point, Shigure," Yuki said, twirling some noodles around his chopsticks and lifting them to his mouth. "Tohru has never exactly been sparing with her love..so what is keeping us under this curse?"

"If only I knew," Shigure said, sighing heavily and wrapping noodles around his own chopsticks.

* * *

><p>She had gotten into the habit of midnight walks. It was one of the few times that she didn't have servants running around, trying to meet every need she might have. She wasn't used to the attention, and frankly, she didn't think she ever would get used to it. But they always when to bed at eleven, and it left her to her own devices. At first, she hadn't felt comfortable walking around the estate alone. After awhile, though, it became one of the few freedoms she enjoyed.<p>

The lack of artificial lights made the sky entirely encrusted with glittering stars, something Tohru had always loved to look at. She didn't know what it was about them, but the more stars in the sky, the safer she felt. It had been that way for as long as she could remember, and as she walked through the estates, she felt at peace.

As a wind cut through her, she tightened her jacket around her, sniffling. She wished desperately that she could find a way to break the curse. There were constant changes in the Zodiac. Why was it that an end to their curse wasn't one of them? It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that they couldn't be around the opposite gender without worry. It wasn't fair that Akito had left this burden to her. It wasn't fair that the Zodiac couldn't love the way other could.

_And if I'm being honest with myself,_ Tohru thought, sniffing and wiping away a few errant tears, _it's not fair that I can't ever hold Hatori_.

There was no point in denying it anymore. She had chalked it up to inexperience at first. Akito had come out of nowhere with her decision to make Tohru the god, and Tohru had had about as much experience being a god as she did with being an athlete. But once she had gotten a feel for the family, and a feel for the way the Sohma estate worked and was to be run, she had no excuse. She knew it was because, whatever it was she felt towards Hatori, it was not platonic anymore. It wasn't as if she could do anything about it, though.

It had made sense to go to Hatori when she was getting her bearing; he lived at the estate and had been Akito's confidante. He knew how to help her, and who was she to throw away aid? She knew better though, now. That was why she had been-although frustrated-happy to go to him with the issue of not being taken seriously by the rest of the Sohma's. It was more time to spend with him. Not only had she gotten to spend time with him, she'd gotten to see a side of Hatori that was rarely seen.

And if she was _truly _being honest with herself, the reason she wanted the curse to be broken was to be able to hug him, truly hug him, if only one time. She doubted whether he would be comfortable with even that-but then, he _had_ opened up to her, and a deeper part of her knew that it wasn't just because she was the god.

Despite that, though, she could not help herself from weeping quietly. The stress, the worry, the desire to help her family…it threatened to overwhelm her any moment. The only time she could afford to let it do so was when she was alone, shrouded by the mantle of darkness and stars.

"Akito…Akito, how did you handle this?" she said aloud, face turned toward the skies and slick with tears. "How did you keep this family alive and running?" She was kneeling on the ground now, arms wrapped tightly around her slender frame.

"Well, it wasn't by midnight strolls," a voice said from behind her. A moment later, a heaviness draped around her, and she realized that it was jacket. "Tohru, what are you doing out here?" Hatori asked, dropping down next to her. He sat with his legs extended, ankles crossed.

"I-I.." Her voice wavered, trying not to betray the emotion that was forcing its way up her throat. Finally, she whispered, "Sometimes I just need to be alone."

"Do you want me to-?"

"Stay. Please, stay," she said, staring up at him. "But your jacket, you need to put it on…I can't have you getting sick when you're under my care," she said with a weak smile. She tried to shrug it off and hand it to him, but he placed his hand firmly on her right shoulder.

"No, you wear it. There's more to me than there is to you," he stated, running his eyes over her face. Her heart skipped a beat and after a second, she stuck her left arm into the sleeve, and her right arm a moment after that. "Tohru, how long have you been doing this?"

"What? Crying? Or," she hiccupped, "walking at night?" Quickly, she wiped her cheeks. She found, though, the she didn't really care what state Hatori saw her in anymore. Sometimes, there was no hiding emotion.

"Walking," he replied. "Well, both, actually."

"I've been taking walks since about…a month after I became god…and the crying came about five minutes after that," she said, matter of fact. "It's…it's changing me, this position, and I can feel it. I feel older, more mature…and then all it takes is a second and I'm a thirteen year old, hiding behind my hair as someone proves themselves over me. I'm changing…so why aren't you?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, scooting closer as another shiver wracked Tohru. He draped an arm around her, trying to provide some body heat.

"I mean why can we do this," she motioned to his arm and herself, "but not this?" she finished, wrapping him in a hug and waiting for the familiar puff of smoke…but the puff of smoke never came.

Her heart pounded as Hatori tentatively wrapped his arms around her. Still, there was no smoke. In that instance, she allowed herself to breathe in deeply the scent of Hatori, woodsy and spicy, like smoke and cinnamon. They stayed like that for a moment and then pulled apart slowly, staring at each other with wide eyes.

"Why haven't I transformed?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I am awful. I know it. I know I am. I'm sorry it took so long to get this junky chapter up…but here's something, at least. I resolve to write more regularly! I swear…well, don't expect much for the next couple of weeks…I'm moving back to college and it's going to be an insane few weeks…after that, though, maybe…? Ahhh, sorry. Anyways…read, PLEASE send me reviews…I have people who put this story on alert, but never review…what is it you love? What is it you hate? Tell me, people! **


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